Home

I'm at home...Ready to say these words thousands times to myself and to everybody around. Home, home, home! Almaty is sunny and bright with lots of snow, new law about not-smoking in public places, traffic jams and in New Year mood. My friends are wonderful, kind, warm and happy to see me. Most of them (even AIESECers) became "normal" people with work, husbands or wifes, children, so I experience how life looks like outside of AIESEC :) Family is just family...Mam as always saying that I lost lots of weight in Moscow and look skinny, so she tries to put in me as much food as possible:) Dad is on vacation, watching TV, laughing with his kind voice and making jokes I love so much. My sister has all these party stories from Cyprus, funny and cute, simple and grown up.

My friend dropped today and took me around the city on car to my favourite places: parks, squares, streets... Places which still keep all the memories about me being there and I felt it, but realized that it will not be the same next time. Next time there will be no memories of me there, as I'm trying to catch the past and have nostalgy about times we were young and crazy:) I don't feel myself being here in future: on these streets, in these parks....But still it's extraordinary to be back, I have these bittersweet feelings and wanna get dissolved in the city in my family and friends.

And also piano....my piano and sheetmusic: Mozart, Chopin, Tchaikovsky....I missed U guys:) Playing everyday and need lots of practice to get back to the level I've been to.

Wanna be selfish and romantic, not think about work, but about things which are right here and now.

According to this statement, I'm' pretty:)

Christmas mood

World is going crazy with celebrating Christmas, and I'm just going crazy because have too much positive emotions today: grattitude, admiration, inspiration, expectation of wonder, reflection, memories...My friend told me today that Christmas is time for saying "Thank you", so let's try to thank people who inspired me today - Dec.24

First of all, thank you Anya, my lovely girl who we were recruiting when I was LCVPTM in Almaty. People seldom say words of grattitude and thanking for changing smth in them. Today I received this precious gift from her, thank you:) And it took me back to time when I was LCVPTM and everyday had this idea in my head that wanna bring change and contribution, time which defined where I am now.

Thank you Kevin for being born today:) As I became "Kevin's notes fan" when writting birthday wishes on facebook and accidentally saw notes written, which are so sincere, thoughtful and awakening smth in me. What beatiful is that you can express smth each of us has inside with words, it's art. I wanna steal now all these notes and put it on my blog:)

Thank you Dima, Dasha, Dinar and Sten for applying for TM. One of you will be my successor, but anyway I admire each of you. And when received all these applications, was jumping around and felt super hyper excitiment!

Thank you Assel for being far and being so close, for letting me share with you things which nobody knows about and being so strong.

Thank you Vojta...too many things to write here what for:)

So Merry Christmas to you and me! And hope each day will be full of these kind of small, but precious gifts from our loved ones, whether it's Xmas card, song, note or line in chat...

I'm just happy:)

Today is Tuesday, 5 days and I'm at home. And I have this warm feeling inside me, which runs through all my body, thoughts and feelings.

Happy...

Was it crazy month? Definitely it was. And it was let's say "building the future" month, as we had National Congress where elected MCP and part of MC team, as well I participated in TMU meeting where we were developing strategies for AIESEC and shaping how org-n will look like in future in TM area. I also decided for myself what I wanna do: run for AI 2010-11. So, good luck to me:)

All this time every day I was excited about something, had ideas, feeling, emotions, was laughing and crying, enjoying, being nervous, running, not sleeping...Intense time with different places, people, events. I still feel like being in a rush, that need to run somewhere, solve smth quickly. For now I have few things on my mind:

- People who became so close to me

- My future successor. Who will it be?

- TMU. Wrap up everything and deliver the results!

- Home. I'm going there in 10 days....First thing will do is to play the piano.

- 2010. What will this year bring to me?

- Doubts...

- Wanna be in love

Elections! Manana - MCP 2010-11 and her new team!

In AIESEC U meet hundreds of people, some become important part of your life, some U see for 3 days on the conference and never get in touch again.

And if to count how many people I've met in AIESEC, out of AIESEC: who are wonderful and so special, the number will be several thousands probably?....

Also it's magical, how sometimes one 10 min conversation can change a lot on U, and then U never meet this person again. So, if to say about impact each person brought to me, it's better to say: I am who I am because of everyone. And I appreciate and love this "everyone" today. Only need to say it more often:) And advice U to do the same. Cuz we can loose this "special" people, if don't tell them about how we really feel.

Kazakhstan

I haven't been home for 7 months already.

Besides the fact that I miss my friends, parents, home, I miss the country itself and always checking what's happening over there. From distance I'm being too critical to certain things happening in my country sometimes. But talking to my friend today, understood that don't wanna loose this link to my homecountry and loose my roots.

Not long ago read an article about Christopher Robbins, who wrote the book: "Apples are from Kazakhstan: The Land the Dissappeared". I was positively surprised how this author is describing my homecountry and giving external view on it. Felt proud and happy.

So thought about things which others can learn from us:

- Tolerance. More than 120 ethnic groups, different religious groups living in Kazakhstan side by side. Looking at the world which has conflicts based on religion, ethnicity, ideology, we're an example of patience, opennes and acceptance of differences.

- Hospitality. I guess tolerance is the reason of people's hospitality and friendliness. For my family it has never been a problem to host people, even they didn't know them. Not just hosting, but making everything so person feels himself/herself comfortable at our place. I just remember a moment when intern from Poland stayed at our place for a few days. And my mom kept asking him what he likes to eat, to be able to cook especially for him:) And there are plenty of these small moments which make you feel like at home, being in Kazakhstan.

-Patriotism. In Russia I don't hear very often that people love their country, probably they just don't show it. But we show it, like to talk about our country: how wonderful it is and always inviting to visit us.

-Innovative approach. We're not afraid to try new things or implement smth which works in another countries. There's this a program "Bolashak" which allow young people to go study abroad, it just prooves that we're ready to try new things and start it up. Even the university where I was studying (KIMEP) is an example of it: all the edu is on english, we have professors from different countries, the system of edu is completely different: credit system, online registration etc.

So, welcome to Kazakhstan!

PS [I'll be there for New Year, so feel free to come:) ]

I'm not going to FallCo to Czech Republic:( I sometimes wonder: U wanna change, bring impact and develop, but people in governmental structures do not care about it at all! You can fight, scream and demand, it doesn't change a thing. And also being from Kazakhstan in Russia is making things more complicated for me: embassies wanna check each word in my application and always don't like smth, in the airports and trains I have my documents being checked SO carefully that I feel like did smth bad...So FallCo was also cancelled due to these reasons. It just stresses me out now, cuz I feel helpless and small in this situation, as can't do anything about bureacracy and my citizenship.

And I think I'm just tired overall, too much stuff going on, I haven't been home for more than half a year and have a race: moving, solving smth quickly, having too much emotions, ideas, thoughts, not having time for myself. Don't know.

Novosibirsk

Finally I'm in Siberia:)

Novosibirsk. Cold. Snowing. Beatiful.

I arrived more than a week ago for Regional Exchange Conference, where was agenda manager and FACI for Leadership Track. Discoveries and enjoyment are two words which describe these conference the best for me: jokes by Jenya (our chair), the most active learners ever-delegates, random and professional FACIs, Marina with "excellent" time mngmnt skills, creative Egor, smart Jenya, drunk Dima....my MC team...

Now I'm on visit in @ NSTU, tomorrow another LC visit will start with @ NSU.

Visits is another chapter in "Novosibirsk" story.

I just love what I do, and falling in love with it day by day.

And I'm confident now in my choice. And trying to write the book....

Leadership

Self motivation :)

Too much

Finally, finally we released MC 10/11 Elections Applications!!! Wohoo!

I'll tell to the next Election Manager that one day is not enough to put it all together :) And he or she gotta plan more time for it :)

Anyway I understood yesterday, that work in MC never ends, there is always smth to do...So now my goal for November to stay focused and learn how to put right priorities. Cuz goal for October: self-discipline eventually worked out.

It will be messy post, just wanted to write something:

I was chairing AIESEC Induction Seminar in Saratov. Oh, gosh, I miss all LC work, when U see people in front of you, not on the other side of your laptop. When U see happy faces, ready to do smth (though they still don't know what), FACI team -who are worrying about each session and detail. Yeap, Saratov was amazing, fell in love with them. And of course unexpected things happened as well...This is MC:) "Super-flexibility" is our motto. I was supposed to return on Tuesday to Moscow and already had tickets. But on Sunday evening got a call from my MC, that MUST be in Moscow on Monday for Russia Day (feedbacks for LCs SONA). I look at schedule and see that there is a train in 20 minutes. There are 2 cash boxes opened with huuuuuuge line, so this variant didn't work out, as people in Russia are not likely to understand in these kind of situations. So I see the next one in 40 minutes, which has more expensive tickets and I don't have money with me :( But it didn't stop us, as my lovely FACI team was there, so we bought ticket for me 5 minutes before the train left and in the morning I was happily in Moscow, rushing to my MC. 3 days with not shower didn't influence my performance, so all work is done and there is more to come. Next week will be totally crazy: Novosibirsk, Conference, LC visits, TMU, FallCo preparation....

After all these adventures and recalling another ones, idea to write a book rose. So...stay tuned. I have a thrilling, strange, amazing co-author, so we'll make it work:)

And for now, apply for MC 10/11 AIESEC in Russia to write your story! It's worth, can tell U on my own experience!

Awesome choir from Belgium, reminded me of times in my musical school.

Is it a sign of getting old?! memories and nostalgy:)

Change

One person told me not so long ago: “Mmm, you have changed…”.

Kind of philosophical statement, as our world is constantly changing, has been for centuries and will continue to change. The same is for people: we change physically, emotionally, intellectually every day, sometimes not noticing it. If change is “permanent”, I ask myself a question: Why do people, organizations resist to change, try to stop it and put limits?

Even if to look at people in AIESEC, who are supposed to be open to changes and tell on every corner that they’re seeking for challenges and new stuff, when it comes to an action, some still find millions of excuses, barriers, logical explanations not to step up for change. It’s tough for people to accept change, cuz it breaks our routine, stability, takes away the “known”. They resist, but sooner or later change occurs, and people find out that they just wasted energy trying to stop smth and missed opportunities behind. Just imagine what would be with our world if there was no change? No planes, no internet, no technologies, no art, no us as we are now… Imagine what would happen to AIESEC if there was no change?

I personally believe that in every change there is a positive effect, even sometimes we don’t see it in a sudden.

So if you could change one thing in your life today what it would be?

What are you doing to make it happen?

Impact IC made on me are these thoughts about changes in our organization and change which AIESEC is able to make and I can bring personally. I'm still figuring out what are the actions I gotta take for that, but for sure my attitude to certain things and the way I'm doing it have changed since I got back to Moscow.

So be positive and embrace change, which is coming up on your way!

Qs

Need right questions to give right answers myself. 

Does anybody know the art of asking right questions?

Just understood, that applying it not in Aiesec is quite difficult.

Question of the day:

What do I WANT in life?

love

when I saw you, I was afraid to know you, when I knew you I was afraid to like you, when I liked you I was afraid to love you, and now I love you I'm afraid to lose you,so hold on tight and don't let go, this may only happen once so don't let it pass you by...

Just miss my friends. And Need them. Will meet on of them soon, counting days towards it.

Inspiration

It made me think:

"We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. ACTION always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action".

And in AIESEC we're always waiting that somebody will come and inspire, motivate. And I expect it too: get inspired from smb and then excusing myself if do not get it, though it's my responsibility to get inspired or motivated. Just thought about few ACTIONS which inspire me:

• playing the piano
• drinking coffee with smart person:)
• swimming, jumping, dancing - moving :)
• reading "Le Petite Prince"
• walking under the rain
• making random stuff
• working in TM

Firmly decided to make a list of small things which makes my happy and look at it when demotivated to get inspired from the ACTIONS!

Historical homeland

"Uchnuchmak" - traditional Tartar food

Strange tendency that usually write to blog after trips or conferences. It can be explained by fact that U change places, people and feel change around and inside, so have this wish to share Ur emotions.

On Wednesday we came back from trip to Tatarstan together with Rus or Ruslan:) For those who don't know my ethnical background is Tartar, all my grandparents are from Tatarstan, so I felt excited about the trip. We've visited only two cities there:

Naberezhnie Chelny, where were facilitating Regional Train the Trainer conference and

Kazan - capital of Tatarstan Republic

If to compare with how I feel in Moscow, there I felt like at home - as have lived there since childhood.

Naberezhnie Chelny is industrial city, which is about 75 years old. The city itself is not striking U with beauty or history, but people who we met there showed us the other side of it: we were on roofs, were undeground, saw amazing river Kama, felt hospitability of people there. Two guys we met first day actually challenged me with their attitude and behaviour. They've lived in Chelny for all their life and still find their smth new and interesting: real explorers. I always thought that curious and brave people travel, change places etc. But these two guys are more exploreres and discoveres than me, just living in one place and still having this fresh view on city and things. It just again made me think (my forever question) about settling down or travelling...Maybe we should just have right attitude and lifestyle, so wherever U're it's gonna be bright and colorful?

Kazan, from the other side, is completely different. More than 1000 year of history, bigger, more light, reminds Europe at some point. I for sure would like to come back there and live for some time. It's spectacular place!

So that was about places...But of course the small moments and adventures we've gone through made the trip so memorable. For example we went hitchhiking from Kazan to Moscow - it's about 800 km distance, climbing to 3 meters height balcony during night or swimming in freezing water at night. The conference itself with tartar hospitality, crazy AIESEC spirit and learning. LCs which we've visited with their problems and dreams... Thank you guys for making time in my "historical homeland" unforgettable and of course thank U, Rus for everything what's written in blue copy book:)

In Tartar traditional hats - "tyubiteiki", Kazan

Going Globally?

Yesterday we've spent wonderful evening walking around Moscow, I start to love this city: bright, contrast, big, unexpectable. But the point is not in Moscow:) AIESEC Moscow interns joined us yesterday: USA, Mexico, India, Brazil... I felt like I'm back to times when was in LC Almaty and we had this totally crazy summer with our dear interns and U could feel this international spirit in every detail. And I realized that miss it...miss this feeling of going globally, getting to know other cultures, talking to people in english about everything in the world: your countries, stereotypes, places, people. I miss it, terribly miss it. Probably that's why waiting for IC in Malaysia: another country, hundreds of people from different countries.

I guess I got addicted to travelling and different cultures when was in USA - mixing pot of cultures and traditions. And now thinking of my AIESEC path, realized that I decided to stay and go further after got to You Can in Poland, so this internationalism actually was one of the reasons I've stayed.

I kind of don't feel it in MC right now - international spirit, and the reason is not that we speak russian language.

I thought about my friends now, really close friends - they all travel, experienced a lot in means of adventures around the world. I guess our common thirst for going around the globe and understanding of how it is to live in another country created connection between us somehow as well, so we understand each other and can share things which people who have not lived abroad will not understand completely.

Mmm, don't think I'm stressed out about that:) There are thousands of other things which make me happy, but this idea of going globally makes me think what I want to do next year...settle down or go further?

Lots of interview last week: first for NST candidates and after for ProMS FACI candidates.

So we've formed these two teams!

With NST we'll be working all year long, I'm really happy that Lena and Oxana are there (TM forever:) )!

And FACI team for ProMS seems to be amazing as well.

Maybe it's selfish, but I'm SOOOO happy that my dear Stotskiy is there.

I met this crazy Slovak more than 2 years ago on ITC, we were in one homegroup and since then consider each other just relative souls, though haven't seen each other all this time. It's strange how U can see the person and after few words understand that whatever happen and wherever U're, he'll be there for you, supporting, cheering up, sharing and just chatting about some stupid stuff. And U feel so easy and natural, don't have to pretend. And this feeling is not dissapering with time or distance, it's just here with U all the time. And now we gonna meet after more than 2 years - in Kaliningrad:) He's coming as he promised 2 years ago :)

It's just one of examples as conference brings people U would never meet together and creates this magical relations - friendship...

SumMEET/ProMS

Dreaming of Kaliningrad:) 

...

Just feel pure happiness...don't know why, nothing special happened today. Maybe it's cuz we finally got hot water back at home?:) Or cuz I saw that one person values me and misses, though he's far away? Or it's this amazing weather in Moscow today? 

Don't wanna it to be over: like a sun inside and nothing else matters!

TM...

Writting now feedbacks on 16 Man Power Plans... and initiatives in TM in planning tool. For some it can seem to be boring, but I understood again how much I LOVE my job and TM, love it and will always love. And ready to read these MPPs every day:) and give feedbacks, and talk to my TMs, and manage all these TM processes, make conferences...

so my status for today: in love with TM:) it's really not position - TM is our vision:)

From home to home

Just got back to Moscow, and when was in the airport thought: "Good to be home again" :)

Two weeks ago I had the same thought when landed to Almaty airport: "Good to be home again" :)

Can a person have two homes, or its splitting of personality? 

Previous two weeks were full of speed and life for me...Need to see everybody, do MC work, visit favourite places and many many more. Highlights:

• salsa...love it
  
• don't get too drunk, or U'll get on TV
  
• nothing is impossible: even free taxi or jokes over U from radio :)
  
• people change... a lot
  
• don't be afraid to talk to unfamiliar people, they can become special part of your life
  
• try new things, even watching movie U would never watch
  
• drink in the park, it's fun and cheap
  
• spend time with Ur family&relatives, it's the best way to relax
  
• don't plan your day, something will come up eventually and it will be the best XP
  
• miss people who are far away - start valuing them much more
  
• skype is the greatest invention :)
  
• people are the main value, no matter what

Now back to Moscow, to my boyfriend, to my dear MC team...feels good and sad at the same time, as don't know when will be in Kazakhstan again with my family, friends, LC, mountains, streets, parks, full buses, sunny weather, crazy parties and this atmosphere which surrounds you in Almaty.

Random thoughts

Just got back after intense Planning Conference in Ufa and purely crazy team days with our MC team... Don't wanna repeat all the words about great people I've met there, wondeful time with members of AIESEC in Russia, the best of the best TM team, beatiful Ufa and bunch of ideas about my MC term!

I guess this time for me was time of discoveries:

discovering AIESEC in Russia. Now I feel part of AIESEC here and ownership for the people who I'm gonna work with and work for. Looking at people from different Local Committees, their passion for what they do and planning to do next year is the best motivation I could ever have!

discovering my MC team. In the previous post I was writing about my team and Storming time we were through that time. We not just overcome it, but became so close as people. Especially I'm grateful to Manana,Lena and Rus who were a positive surprise for me and shared with me so many funny moments, lifetime memories:)

discovering myself. How I can behave in certain situations, what I can contribute and what I gotta imrpove in myself. So now I know what to work on. 

discovering Ufa city. I was enjoying my time there, as Ufa reminds me a lot of my hometown Almaty, even the same buildings. The atmosphere of the city: friendly, hospitable, calm and sunny was like a break after crazy Moscow life. 

Today I was going after the train station to my appartment, looking at green trees and bright sun, and was thinking about connection between people... I got connected to people who I even didn't notice, and still logically can't explain why, we just got connected, though we're so different and never knew each other. 

Probably I should just walk my path and look forward, but not back, just feel and embrace experience which is coming on my way. so Let it be, as Beatles sing:)

Collecting a puzzle called Team

In 6 days I'll oficially start working in AIESEC Russia, which means that May 1 oficially will be birthday of new TEAM - MC Russia 2009-10. 

8 individuals...8 differents backgrounds, lives, interests, aspirations, hobbies, tastes, ideas...

Will it be easy? No. Will it be rewarding? Hope yes.

Today sitting in Moscow metro when going from MC flat to my appartment I was thinking about team theories and my past experiences when working and managing different teams.

Probably right now we're more referring to Tuckman's team theory based on:

• Forming
  
• Storming
  
• Norming 
  
• Performing
  

I looked over the description of each stage and recognize every word of it in our behaviour:) First we were confused, but at the same time positive, trying to figure out what is relevant for us, having long discussions, but accepting each other. 

Few days ago we got to Storming stage and for me it's challenging, but amazingly interesting, as I don't remember myself being in intense Storming stage in my previous teams. Usually we smoothly skipped it and started performing. So for me personally, it's a time of learning and re-considering some things. These are some statements which explains Storming:

• The honeymoon is over.
  
• The silent leaders may be clashing for control of the group.
  
• People disagree and may blame the team concept, saying it doesn’t work.
  
• Management needs to do a lot of coaching to get people to work past their differences.

I especially liked the phrase, which describes Storming stage "The honeymoon is over" :) 

All the above means that team is not effective in completing the tasks, or it takes much longer than it could, at the same time it's the beginning for understanding each other before team members get to Norming stage. 

I really hope we'll pass, as a team, storming stage during our National Conference, but it requires commitment from all team members. For me it's not easy to keep silence sometimes, stay calm and not get irritated, but I'm definitely trying to overcome myself (though sometimes it still doesn't work:) ), so we'll become not Storming, but PERFORMING team! 

And also it was quite interesting to look over Belbin Team Inventory and actually recognize some features of my team mates there! That means we can actually complement each other and make our weak sides strong ones, which is a key to success! I'd compare process of team forming to collecting puzzle: first you get mad, cuz it doesn't work, then you see some results, see framework and complete goal, start putting it together and in the end when puzzle is done, look back and think that it was fun and easy! We're like puzzles, trying to fit, but now figuring out where and how, at last it will be complete and bright picture:)

Another TeaM I'm gonna be in upcoming year is Talent Managament team of LCVPTMs, but it's another story and different style of work. So waiting for National Conference to meet them and see which stages of team forming we gonna have:)))

In the end I just feel like quoting the following:

"Everything is okay in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end". 

So whatever problems we can have, it's ok:) 

Today I found out that one of my friends is applying for MCP after not being active in AIESEC for 3 years... I always admired him for the fact that he was not afraid to be himself, no matter what other people will say! Some will think it's easy to be yourself, no matter what... But I thought about myself and people who surround me and understood that it's not easy: we always adapt, trying to be good so everybody loves us, afraid of critics, scared to death to loose our friends, feel nervous when changing places. All of that makes us to hide some of our features sometimes and say things, which people want to hear, but not the things we want to say.

So step which my friend decided to take really inspired me to stay loyal to myself! Nobody expected him to apply, nobody knows motivation he has for it, but what I'm sure about is that he's true to himself and doesn't care about what others will say about it, but about importance of it to him! 

These actions made by people around me, challenge and make me think about myself and upcoming year in AIESEC Russia! Now I really understood how important it is to stick to the values you have and not to be afraid to LIVE and ACT!

Thank you Max:)))

EuroXpro XP

After 2 weeks, I'm finally home...

It's sounds strange that I already call Moscow - my home:) 

As every conference - Xpro was also special for me. 

First of all, cuz it's the beginning of my term in MC Russia, and first time in my life I was represnsting Russia, even put on dress which didn't match with my non-russian face:)

Secondly, I met my family - AIESEC in KZ, met my dear Aika, my sister Lilya...it was reconncection time for us. I remember how we were working in LC Almaty altogether, growing and dreaming big and now look at these people and see how much they changed and grew, I'm so proud of them.

Third, it's Romania...It was wonderful to come back, I was in Romania 2 years ago on International Trainers Congress and still consider that conference to be the best in my life. Have so many memories connected to Romania, so coming back was amazing!

And of course it's all these small moments which we've lived with people from Xpro, my Russian delegation - will forever stay in my memory...

I still have mess in my head, so many thoughts, emotions and feelings about me, my future team, term, friends...So now need some time to think, calm down and wrap up my experience.

Again:)

ok, this time I will try not to be lazy and actully lead my blog:)))

As have many thoughts, changes and things to share...

And let it be symbolic that I started it on St. Valentines Day!