Friday, November 6, 2009

I'm not going to FallCo to Czech Republic:( I sometimes wonder: U wanna change, bring impact and develop, but people in governmental structures do not care about it at all! You can fight, scream and demand, it doesn't change a thing. And also being from Kazakhstan in Russia is making things more complicated for me: embassies wanna check each word in my application and always don't like smth, in the airports and trains I have my documents being checked SO carefully that I feel like did smth bad...So FallCo was also cancelled due to these reasons. It just stresses me out now, cuz I feel helpless and small in this situation, as can't do anything about bureacracy and my citizenship.
And I think I'm just tired overall, too much stuff going on, I haven't been home for more than half a year and have a race: moving, solving smth quickly, having too much emotions, ideas, thoughts, not having time for myself. Don't know.

1 comment:

  1. My dearest Nailyushka,
    I completely understand you: from A to Z !!!
    Firstly, struggling with bureaucracy requires a lot of positive energy, a lot of support from your close people, and also belief that you will win in the end. Remember, "win-win" situation? :) I have gone through that obstacles, so I know how you must be feeling.
    Secondly, I agree there has been a lot of ordinary and extraordinary things going on in our lives. Virtual communication dominates a lot, and then when you have a chance to really communicate with people physically at conferences or seminars, that's the most rewarding things, right? Well, here I am talking about your previous post :) I am glad I am involved into LC Riga life here a lot. Though sometimes I feel being overwhelmed. But you know me- I need people around me, I need to see their energy and their needs. Then I feel I am alive.
    But back to this post and that 'race' feeling: I am on 95th day in Latvia, and have seen and done a lot of different things in Latvia and my lovely Lithuania that I don't have a bite of time to digest information, knowledge, emotions, thoughts. Everything turns faster than the speed of my thoughts! And I feel so disatisfied with this sometimes. Last weekend we organized Train the Trainers here in Riga- it was amazing!!! My first experience in organizing TtT for my cool members and a few international delegates gave me the biggest outcome for the past month: we had a simulation on organizing an AIESEC IS, and a member (autumn recrutited guys) delivered a Goal Setting session. So after their 15-20 min session I felt despondent: I compared my current life with 65-70% devotion to MC/AIESEC responsibilities/activities to a desired one with 35-40% of MC activities. Of course, I decided to quickly solve this situation, and I am taking time to re-prioritize my life for the next 2-3 months. Well, at least I've taken an action: I am having a new hair-cut :) (much shorter than before), I finished reading a book I was reading since Sep 2009, I am blogging a bit oftener at friends' and at mine as well :)
    So, my sweet crazy Nailyushka- breathe in- breathe out, smile and think positively. Maybe it's good that you didn't go to FallCo- maybe it is not. You never know it at the moment until you will see the future with your own eyes.
    Love you,