Yesterday many people called and wrote asking if everything is ok, cuz of all these events in Moscow. I can imagine how many phone calls and letters people in Moscow received with words of love, as they felt danger of loosing their dear ones and felt grateful that nothing happened to them...
I was talking to one friend in the evening who wrote: "I'm so glad nothing happened to you...I can't even imagine what would I do if something happened. This shows that most of the time we take life for granted". And that's the thing: we can't imagine what would we do if something happened to our dear ones, but maybe sometimes we should think about it not to miss moments, to say words we want to say, to do things we want to do. But we're always afraid of something, afraid to be alive, to be sincere, emotional, afraid to be hurt or misunderstood.
And what if you knew that today is Ur last day? Who would you write to? Who would you talk to? What would you say?

...

Today is Monday, people are going to work after week end, not thinking that something can happen...We woke up today in got news which shocked me: there were two explosions in metro todays morning, first at around 8 am on and second in an hour on another metro station (Lubyanka and Park Kultury). More than 30 people died, many injured, even more in panic and scared. And I just had this image in my head, that these people got up, had breakfast, were complaining about bad weather and didn't wanna go to work, went to metro and...all gone. It's scary, sad and not fair.
I remember when there were explosions in Moscow in 2004 I could not imagine what people felt here. And now I'm here, having my friends here and those things are happening. I'm just happy that my MC team is ok, here with me, our CEEDers didn't have any meetings in the morning.
Still shocked and hope people who lost their dear ones will find strength and courage to go on.

Spring "wishes"

I remember once we with my cousin went to wedding salon and I was trying on wedding dresses, and felt like princess. I think it's one of two options to feel like princess: when somebody is treating you like princess or when U have this magnicifent dress on you:) Want to feel like princess again, and as nobody is treating me like princess, decided to go for second, already checked option: go to wedding salon/shop and try on many many beatiful purely white dresses.
Also wanna buy earrings: my "April" earrings, get camomiles and go to Picasso exhibition in Pushkin museum.
Wanna it to be very warm in Moscow to wear my pretty dresses, go to Tsaritsyno and have picnic there.
If anybody wanna join me for my spring "wishes", drop a line :)

Strength

Time to grow up?

I always was of opinion that life is great when it is spontaneous: no long term plans, acceptance of what’s coming on the way, random decisions, no regrets. And so far I enjoyed it, doing what I want to do and not looking back or forward. But lately I got this feeling that have no control of my life, and my plans depend on many factors, which I probably creating myself. If to look back everything I was doing, was not planned in advance, but just pumped out at some point and I grabbed the opportunity. And now I also have opportunities ahead of me, but how will it affect my future? And what do I want from my future? What are the most important things for me? I can’t answer these questions now in concrete way. I’m self aware person, know of my strengths and weaknesses, things I like and don’t, but can’t answer these simple questions in my head whether I’m moving in a right direction. Maybe I’m getting old (birthday is coming soon:) ) and my age is calling for stability, who knows :) Or maybe I'm thinking too much, and just need to chill out and let it go...

Me now

Around the globe

Yesterday again got great news: my TM girl Natasha is elected to MC Serbia!
So, some statistics:
Regina-MC UAE
Vika-Bahrain
Anya-Macedonia
Lena-Belgium
Katya-Bolgaria
Sasha-Dominican Republic
Jenya-Italy
Natasha-Serbia

And MC elections around the globe are still going on, so sure it's not the final list of Russians going abroad. Feel proud to be part of country which is providing leadership to the network.
And feel proud to see goals LCs are putting now for the next year! AIESEC Russia will definitely be in top 3 with these kind of people!
Now packing to leave to Istanbul and eager to see next generation of AIESEC :)

LC visit

I'm in Chelyabinsk. Strange people, ambitious LC.

They're different and it's amazing about them.

Dinar is cooking dinners for me, it's snowing, I have amazing meetings with OCPs, EB current and elects. And wanna come back in May for Plan It :) Because loving them more and more...

Expectations

Why do people get in conflicts and disagreements, get angry on each other, no matter if it's work, personal life or friends? I thought today that it's cuz each one of us has certain expectations towards our team or particular person. We expect people around to act according to what's on our mind, often not telling it to them, but only blaming afterwards, if it's not done the way we were expecting. But is it possible not to have expectations towards smth? Or maybe key to find common solution is setting up expectations from the beginning? 

Another thing I noticed even in myself is that often we get trapped by expectations of other people toward us. My family is expecting my to finish with AIESEC this year, move to Almaty and start working, my AIESEC friends expect that one more year I'll be around and continue working in our organization. And you try to manage these expectations, but in the end somebody will stay dissapointed with decision you took. And I myself tend to get frustrated when something doesn't match the way I was expecting, even in small things. I like this saying: "If person doesn't love you the way you expect, it does not mean he doesn't love you at all.". So at least for myself I decided to be aware of this and differences with other people, not to get angry if smth not the way you want, but trying to understand other's thoughts and come to common solution.

...

I'm sitting now at the Tunisian Airport, as our flight was cancelled and we're leaving one day later.
And I'm super inspired now and motivated as had conversation which stroke me and made me 100% sure of what I wanna do, it showed me why I was not upset at all when was not elected to AI, why I was meant to be on IPM and what will do next year and years after:)
I wanna make people experience what I experienced: world, the best people, challenges, searching and findings.
I wanna make a difference.
I wanna follow my values and bring it to the world.
I wanna AIESEC be organization how I see it: org-n which brings changes.

IPM was amazing, as every conference actually:) AI elections were tough, challenging, enjoyable, as all elections:) But the point is that I had self discovery, which never happened to me, I could face MYSELF and see who I am and what I stand for.
Right now first priority for me is AIESEC Russia, 2 months to finish our term on a high note and leave the best possible for the next team.
And for my passion and dream for the next year is to open AIESEC in new country, to give this opportunity to young people in the country to live this beatiful organization and to give opportunity to another young people to drive it and make contribution. I really mean it, and ready to turn my dream into action. Country which is on my mind now to do it is Uzbekistan. And I'm absolutely serious about it, as never in my life!
Oh, so many emotions, and thoughts, and ideas in my head right now! So will write when at home and have structure in my head:)
And one last thing: I don't know how to express grattitude to all the people who supported me throughout elections and after, I don't just appreciate it, but I'm so lucky to have these kind of people around. Thank you from all my heart!
But sometimes you need to turn to wrong direction in order to find the right one, which actually happened to me:)