Piano

My first and forever love is piano. When I'm stressed, when things goes wrong, when I'm too excited and need to calm down, I wanna sit and touch the keyboard: my lovely black and white keys and play...hear how music fills in the air and feel that I'm creating it - this beauty. Yeap, when I play the piano, I feel like creating something beatiful. And everything what's going on around doesn't matter anymore, only music matters, only stories in Ur head matter, only harmony inside matters.
10 days to touch my keyboard and feel it again - how it is to create beauty...

Remember

A good thing to remember is somebody's got it a lot worse than we do.
So don't be sorry for yourself, don't excuse yourself, don't complain.
Just enjoy, be happy, be free, be grateful, move forward.

I'm a little bit lost right now. My MC term in Russia -this HUUGE chapter in my life with the beatiful team experience, extreme achievements and hard challenges was oficially over 2 days ago. But I'm still in Moscow, in MC flat with part of my team preparing our last project - H4TF conference, so I still feel like working and like being MCVPTM:)
And two many things will be going on with me in May: selection process next two weeks (my next year depends on that), moving home in 2 weeks (still need to manage moving my enormous amount of clothes to Kazakhstan somehow), chairing at conference in my home LC (super exciting), my Vojta coming to Moscow next week (happy happy happy), work in TMU (lots of work).
Right now I feel happy and physically exhausted, like I was keeping myself on high energy level all year long and now when U have no definite next steps, U feel lost, tired, but.... optimistic:) and need time for yourself, finally some time for yourself:)
And I want to write so many things about my MC term, each day, hour, minute which I've lived here with my team and don't know how to put it in words...
When get home will go to mountains, get fresh air and pack my experience I got, yeap I'll do it.
For now one thing to do: excellent H4TF conference for people I've worked with the whole year!

I always loved russian poetry, sometimes we took book of poems with my niece and were reading it aloud, learning by heart favourite ones. But it's not the same with poems on english, I do not enjoy it so much, as russian poetry...Wonder why, maybe cuz it's not my native language...From the other side spanish poems sound beatiful, though I do not understand a word. Maybe, it's true that some languages are made for poetry and others are not.

Do you feel like this sometimes?

"I have no idea how it feels to be utterly loved.

I am the place a person falls to when life gets hard.
I am the shoulder, the keeper of secrets, the kindness through their pain.
I am the wisdom, the knowledge, the prophet when everything goes wrong.

I have no idea how it feels to be utterly loved".

Voice

In the morning on the kitchen:
- Pasha, why do you talk to Delya EVERY single day?
- Because I want to hear her voice every day...

Isn't it sweet? :)

Voice...not ideas, words...voice

Conversations

Wanna thank my friend for yesterday conversation about "conversation" and its importance in our life. As we still didn't create anything else to communicate: we express ourselves through words, phrases, sentences. Music and art is more supportive - helping us to express feelings and emotions.

- Conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue.
- Do we really listen? Or just waiting for our turn to talk?
- Are we open to express ourselves? Or expecting person to guess about our ideas and feelings?

Think about it, if you look around you'll understand that your friends are those who you can talk to, and you don't surround yourself with people who are not likely to have interesting conversations with you, or random conversations, or funny conversations. I remember this moment in summer: when I felt that my boyfriend doesn't have empathy anymore and doesn't wanna talk to me as before, I realized: "something is wrong", which turned out to be true.
But I'm happy I have people around for fruitful conversations, for random conversations, for gossips conversations, for complaining conversations, for deep conversations, for touching conversations, for "generating ideas" conversations: who listens, who shares, who cares.